You Don’t Need to Be a Black Belt to Stay Safe
As a crime writer and coroner’s daughter, I’ve spent more time than most peering into the dark corners of human behavior. I’ve studied it. I’ve written about it. I’ve watched how violence leaves ripples that never fully disappear. And sometimes, I’ll be honest, I wish I didn’t know as much as I do.
But I also know this: the best stories, the ones that stay with us, are the ones where women win. Where they fight back. Where they survive.
Sadly, that’s not always the case in real life. Violence happens. Attacks happen. Women get caught off guard, and too often, we are told afterward what we “should have done.” That narrative is unfair and it’s one I want to rewrite.
I’m not here to scare you. I’m here to remind you that you have more power than you think. Knowing a few self-defense basics, whether or not you ever sign up for a full class, can shift you from feeling scared to standing strong. It’s about preparation, not paranoia. And it could literally change how you move through the world.
So let’s break it down. Together, we’ll bust some myths, walk through what to expect from a self-defense class, and give you practical takeaways that can help you feel safer and more confident, starting today.
What Is Self-Defense, Really?
When most people hear “self-defense,” they imagine martial arts masters throwing attackers over their shoulders in a movie-worthy showdown. But that’s not what self-defense really is.
Self-defense isn’t about learning how to fight. It’s about learning how to avoid a fight, and if necessary how to survive.
It’s a toolbox, not a personality trait. You don’t have to be aggressive, confrontational, or even physically strong. You just need a few reliable tools, a little practice, and most importantly, the belief that you are worth protecting.
At its core, self-defense is:
- Recognizing danger before it escalates
- Setting verbal and physical boundaries
- Escaping when you can
- Fighting back only if you have to
You’re not trying to win a fight. You’re trying to get home safe.
This mindset shift matters. Too often, women think, “I could never defend myself, I’m not tough enough, strong enough, fast enough.” That’s simply not true. A 110-pound woman can fend off a 200-pound attacker if she knows where to strike, when to run, and how to use her voice.
And let’s be real: there’s an emotional layer here too. For many women, the idea of self-defense feels intimidating, or even triggering. If you’ve experienced trauma, the thought of being grabbed or yelled at, even in a safe training space, can feel overwhelming. That’s okay.
The good news? Trauma-informed instructors exist. Safe spaces exist. Classes that build confidence gently, at your pace, exist. You don’t have to push past your limits or “tough it out” to gain skills. You get to start exactly where you are.
What to Expect From a Self-Defense Class
Not all classes are created equal. Knowing what’s out there can help you choose the right fit.
Common Formats:
- One-Time Workshops – Perfect for beginners. Often hosted by libraries, YMCAs, or universities. You’ll learn a handful of moves and safety strategies you can use immediately.
- Weekly Classes – Build muscle memory and confidence over time. Like any skill, repetition makes the response second nature.
- Women-Only Classes – Create safe, supportive spaces where you can practice without fear of judgment. Many women say these are life-changing.
- Scenario-Based Training – Practice real-world situations: ATM encounters, parking lots, home intrusions. This type of training shows you how adrenaline affects your body and helps you respond under pressure.
- Fitness-Based Self-Defense – Think kickboxing or Krav Maga. A great workout plus practical skills.
What You’ll Actually Do in Class:
- Practice verbal boundaries: “Back off. I don’t know you.”
- Learn how adrenaline impacts your brain and how to manage it.
- Try basic strikes, blocks, and escapes.
- Work on situational awareness: where you park, how you walk, how you scan your surroundings.
The first time I watched a simulation exercise, I’ll admit, I was rattled. An instructor in padded gear acted out an attack, and even knowing it was staged, my heart pounded. But that moment also flipped a switch for me: I saw the difference between panic and preparedness.
Choosing the Right Program for You
There is no “one-size-fits-all” class. The best program is the one that meets you where you are, physically, emotionally, and logistically.
Look for:
- Certified, experienced instructors
- Trauma-informed teaching (especially if you’re a survivor)
- Emphasis on prevention and awareness, not just physical techniques
- Encouragement and positivity (you should leave class feeling empowered, not shamed)
Avoid:
- Programs that rely on scare tactics (“The world is dangerous, you’re not safe”)
- Instructors who dismiss your questions or push you past your comfort zone
- Hyper-masculine or militaristic environments that don’t feel safe for women
Pro tip: Many libraries, YMCAs, and community centers offer free or low-cost classes. Don’t assume it’s out of reach, there may be an amazing option right down the street.
5 Basic Moves Everyone Should Know
You don’t need to be a martial artist to protect yourself. Just a few simple moves, practiced a handful of times, can give you an edge when adrenaline surges.
- Palm Heel Strike
Target: Nose or chin
How: Keep your hand open, strike upward like a powerful high-five. This disorients and buys you seconds to run. - Knee Strike
Target: Groin
How: Grab attacker’s shoulders, drive your knee upward with force. Even under adrenaline, this is effective. - Elbow Smash
Target: Jaw, neck, or ribs
How: Short-range strike. Imagine your elbow is a hammer, fast and hard. - Wrist Release
If grabbed, rotate your arm toward the attacker’s thumb, the weakest part of the grip. This simple move can free your wrist instantly. - Verbal Assertiveness
Your voice is a weapon. Practice: “STOP.” “BACK OFF.” “I DON’T KNOW YOU.” Loud. Clear. Rehearsed.
These may seem small, but in a high-stress moment, simple > fancy. The goal isn’t to win. It’s to break free, create space, and escape.
How Self-Defense Changes You
Once you start thinking like someone who can protect herself, everything shifts.
You walk differently. You notice exits. You carry yourself with more presence.
The confidence is contagious. Even one class can:
- Lower anxiety when you’re alone or in new places
- Give you language to assert boundaries everywhere (work, relationships, daily life)
- Teach your brain how to stay calm under pressure
I’ve spoken with women who said a single workshop changed how they walk through a parking garage, how they handle unwanted attention, and how they trust their instincts again. Some even told me it spilled over into other areas, asking for a raise, setting healthier boundaries at home, or finally saying “no” without apology. That’s huge.
Self-defense isn’t just about defending your body. It’s about reclaiming your agency and discovering that the strongest version of you was always there, waiting.
Why This Matters (And Why I Care So Much)
Every woman deserves to feel safe.
I’ve seen the aftermath when they don’t. I’ve seen the heartbreak of families who never got their daughter, sister, or mother back.
In my books, I write about murder, assault, abduction, but I write with purpose. My characters don’t exist to be victims; they exist to show resilience, courage, and the fight for justice. And I want that same resilience for every woman who reads this.
Most attackers look for easy targets. They don’t want a fight. They want compliance. The second you show resistance, even a strong “no” you change the equation.
You are not powerless. You are not invisible. And you don’t have to become someone you’re not to be someone who’s ready.
Let’s Talk: What Would You Want to Learn?
I’m considering teaming up with a self-defense coach for a live Q&A or virtual demo. What would be most helpful for you?
✨ A free Zoom with real-time Q&A?
✨ A CSI-style girls’ night event?
✨ A downloadable cheat sheet of basic moves?
✨ Or maybe a video walkthrough of the top five techniques above?
DM me on Instagram, email me through my site, or comment on my latest post. Let’s make safety smarter, more accessible, and maybe even fun.
P.S. If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:
- Your Personal Safety Checklist: Be Prepared, Not Scared
- How to Read Crime Scenes Like a Coroner’s Daughter
Stay safe. Stay curious. Stay empowered.
xx, Jen
